An Unexpected Surprise
by hisangelvoice
Summary: AU: Bella is still messed up after Edwards break up and finds comfort among Jacob.Bella visits some friends of the Cullens which makes Bella do a desperate attempt to take back the love of her life, and he gets a big surprise when he sees her in the door.
1. Chapter 1: Same Old

**Title:** An unexpected surprise  
**Summary: ** AU Post-New Moon, Bella never jumped so Alice never had her vision and Edward still thought Bella was alive, so there was no reason for him to die. So they both goes on with their lives until Bella has enough and go visits some of the Cullens friends.  
**Rating:** Teen  
**Warning:** I'm not an American, I'm a 15-year old girl from Sweden but I have a A in English so I think you will understand, but I know I will make a lot of mistakes but don't stop reading beacause of that. This is a work in progress so if you liked this chapter, keep on waiting to the next chapter!  
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**Chapter one: Same old**

A week from now it has been a year since _he_ left, and the pain is almost unbearable. But I keep on struggling, for Charlie's health. I can't let him know that my heart was torn out when _he_ left me and that my heart disappeard with him, and that _he_ will never come back, just like my heart.  
You could say that I live two life, my real life is that I go to school, I go home and do my homework, make dinner to Charlie (sometimes to myself too, but since he left I just do what make most sense, why eat? I could just die, it's not like I've something to live for), and cry myself to sleep.  
And then there's my _other _life, the life everybody thinks is the life I'm living. But it's not.  
In that life I go to school, talk with my friends, that for some reason support me (except for Jessica), but I don' t listen to them as much, I keep for myself a lot. Once in a week –maybey two- Mike, Angela, Ben , me and sometimes Tyler go to see a movie or go bowling our stuff. Once again I don't talk so much then, I keep my head busy to think about stuff that will not remind me of _him. _It's like a charade. But I don't know how much I can keep it going. It's not like I'm a machine that can go on, and on forever. _Forever. _That's what he had said so many times, just him and me. Gone, that will never happen.

``Bella!-´´ Charlie yelled down the stairs ``If you don't get up now you will be late for school!´´.

With a big sigh I rolled off the bed and was heading for the bathroom when I took a quick glance on the clock. _07:40 AM!_

_Shit!_ I thought for myself. I just have to skip the shower this morning I guess.  
I took the closest pants and top that was in my reach, the same blue denim jeans that I wore yestersay, it was hanging over my chair and a clean white blouse that were on my desk.  
Then I brushed my teeth without eating something -as usally- and ran down the stairs, where Charlie was waiting for me.

``Thought I would give you a lift for school to day, so you don't come late, you know´´ he said.

I thought about it for a second and was about to accept the offer, when I realized that I couldn't.

``That's okay dad, I'll be fine-´´ I replied ``- how would I get home, after school?´´

``Oh´´ He had obviously not thought about that. ``How about I drive you to school, I go home and drive your truck to your school, Jacob could pick me up and drive me home and I could get my cruiser and drive to work?´´

``Okay, that's sounds good´´ I replied with a little smile. I really did like that idea, I did't want to come late for class and enter the room when alredy have started and all eyes will lock on me as I would hurry up to my seat. The attention. Ugh! I just want to be invisible, so that nobody can see me, nobody can talk about me behind my back (as if I would care about what they said).

``You know, the res school starts around 10 AM, so Jake wouldn't be late´´ He said, while he was looking me in the eyes, while I replied it with looking down to me feet.

``What is it, Bells?´´ Charlie asked worried.

I didn't know what to answer. I couldn't really tell the truth, just like `_Hey dad, guess what? Every minute since Edward left, I've been thinking of him. I've been a zombie. A wreck, if you hadn't notice. So don't ask me what it is, 'cause you should know by now_´. No, that would be to much, it would be enough just to say `_Fine_´.

``It's nothing Dad´´ I lied. Charlie had some creepy-weird-irritating "gift" so that he could see right through me every time I lied. It really started to bug me, but Charlie just accepted my lies, without digging for the thruth. He thought it was the best, so did I. Less is more.

``Then let's go!´´ He said and pushed me through the door with a laughing sound in his throat.

When school was over, I stood infront of the stairs that led to the parking lot and looked after my rusty red truck. And there it was. Of all the parking places, Charlie had chosen _ his _parking space. Of course Charlie hadn't known it used to be _his_, but with a big sigh I started to walk fast just to get over with it, but the closer I got, the more memories it brought back.

Suddenly it was April last year and I was sitting in _his_ Volvo, with him by the steering wheel and we were listening to Debussy. He explained that it was his favourite and he had looked up at me with his topaz eyes and dazzled me. By that time I did not know that he was a vampire, I just thought he was the most beautiful creature in the world, and I think it was the first time he had ever dazzled me.

And then I was sitting in my old truck again on my way home.

When I got home I was about to unlock the door when the phone rang. I quickly opend the door and dropped my bag to the floor as I ran for the phone.

``Hello?´´ I breathed.

``_Hey Bella! It's Jacob!´´_

Jacob. I hadn't talked to him since he had told me that he was a werewolf, but I don't know why.

``Hi Jake!´´ I replied ``What's up?´´

_``Nothing, that's why I called you, wanna hang out or something?´´ He asked -happy as a puppy when their owner got home._

``Sure, I'll be down in fifteen minutes´´

_``Great! See ya!´´ He said, with a huge throat filled with happiness._

``See ya!´´ I replied, but he had already hung up, but that's okay. He was just so happy.

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So this was the first chapter, it's short so you should get a taste of it. I think it seems a little slow.**_ But hey, all stories seems to be slow in the beginning. But I can promise you that it will be better. So if you liked this. Don't stop reading!_** And don't forget that I'm not american. I'm from Sweden and I'm 14 years old, but I have an A in English so I hope you will understand.

I've alredy started writing on chapter 2, so it will be up in a few days. So check in now and then;)


	2. Chapter 2: Discussions

**Title:** An Unexpected Surprise**  
Summary: **AU Post-New Moon, Bella never jumped so Alice never had her vision and Edward still thought Bella was alive, so there was no reason for him to die. So they both goes on with their lives until Bella has enough and go visits some of the Cullens friends.  
**Rating:** Teen**  
Warning:** I'm not an American, I'm a 15-year old girl from Sweden but I have a A in English so I think you will understand, but I know I will make a lot of mistakes but don't stop reading beacause of that. This is a work in progress so if you liked this chapter, keep on waiting to the next chapter!

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**READ!: _In this chapter, my program that I write in broke, or well something happend so everything is like locked, so I couldn't write there, so I had to use another program that totally sucks. Sometimes when I write a word and hit space, the word turns into another word, and that's really annoying! But I have fixed it a couple of times, so I think I got them all, but I may hav missed a word or two, but I hope you get it anyway. But just so you know (;_**

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**Chapter two: Discussions**

When I got to the Black's house Jake was already waiting for me at the drive way, I bet you could hear my truck at least a mile away from here.

I hadn't even got a chance to turn of the engine before Jake took his huge brown-red arms and pulled me out of the truck. As soon he put me down I was about to say hi, but I was interrupted, by that he had lift me up in his arms and spun me around and then hugged me in one of his huge-Jacob-hugs.

"Gosh, I've missed you Bells!" He murmured into my hair, and then he hugged me even harder then usally.

"Can't…breathe" I complained, and then he just laughed and put me down.

"Nice to see you too, before you almost killed me with your impossible unbreakble hugs" I said with a light smile.

"What-?" He asked with my favourite Jacob smile "-you don't like to get hugs from the big Harry wolf?"

"You know I do, but I just whished that you wouldn't hug me so _hard_. I might turn you in" I warned him, but still with humor."

"For what?" He tested me

"For alomst assult"

"Right, like that would work"

I was about to confront him, but he hushed me when I had just opend my mouth with sticking his warm finger right infront of my lips.

"So what do you want to do today?" He asked, thriller over the opportunities.

"Can't we just hang out on the store, just like old days?" I asked with one of my special smiles, that one I knew that he couldn't resist. It was the same I had used when I had tried to 'flirt' som info about the Cullens, months ago. And it still worked.

"Whatever you want" He answered, happy as usal.

As the day passed we discussed many things. Both sad and happy stuff, until we got to the point about his and my relationship compared to _his_ and my relationship.

"Why do you think you like that, bloodsucker?" He asked curious but irritated. I did not like his face expression right now; cold and hard, starring right out on the horizon.

"He has a name" I replied sourly, to deep in my thoughts for not being able to take my eyes from the rocks that got wet each time the waves came.

It was almost the same way my life worked; I was happy - the rocks were dry, my heart was torn out - the rocks were sad and wet. But of course the rocks were more wet, then my heart was torn out. And more faster beacuse of the waves, but my heart had only been torn out once.

Suddenly Jake interrupted my thoughts.

"Sorry" He mumbled

"But why do you like, Cullen and not, me…?"

"Jake..-" I started, unsure of what I would say. I really couldn't take this now. I was to weak, metaly.

We had stopped and he was waiting for a answer, he stood infront of me while the wind blew through his hair. That made me even more insecure. Why? I don't know, that's just me. Always insecure..

"-you know he was the love of my life, and you, well..You will always be my best _friend_". I was sure to make a special tone on the word "friend". I didn't want any confusion. That's was another thing I couldn't handle now.

"And I don't want to lose you, and our ruin our friendship, 'cause then _I_ would lose it myself and I wouldn't be Bella anymore, and I would have no were to go, to talk to" I ended

"So.. You don't want to lose me? Beacuse you love me to much. As a friend?"

"Yep"

"Oh, okay" He looked down, surprised and maybey even sad over the anwser -I couldn't tell .

Maybey he thought it was something going on between us? No he couldn't, I hadn't been her for months. Not since _he_ left, and I'd definitely not been sending out some vibes, or did I? Maybey it was beacuse of the smiles? No, he couldn't be so easy tricked.

"I'm sorry it has to be this way, Jake, but I just don't see you as a..bbb, bboyf" I stammerd.

"Boyfriend" He ended. It was a question, or a statement. He had just finishen my sentence.

He was looking up in the sky in his own thoughts, just as I used to do. But this time it was my time to interrupt.

"Why did you wonder, Jake?" We started walking again, and he took my hand and swung it lighfully back and forward. Just like in old movies.

"Naa, just curious about, were we stand.." He peeked up on me, when he thought I didn't look. But I did, so that made the whole situation a little embarrassing.

"You said that you would always be there for me, and that means that I also has to be there for you. Whenever you need to talk or something" He informed me.

I thought about it for a second, unsure of how he would handle _this_.

"Could we talk, like now?"

"I just said that, of course" He smiled, but eventully the smile on his lips disapperad when he saw how serius I was.

"What do you want to talk about?" He asked curious and worried.

"Um.. Eed, Eeddward" I stammerd. "Edward"

"Oh, okay. What's up with him?" He asked "I thought you didn't have contact?"

"No, we don't-" I began "-it's just that, this is rally hard for me to talk about so don't interrupt me, okay?" I pleaded.

He just nod his head and I continued

"Well, it's just that I miss him so much and I don't know what I would do. I'm going crazy Jacob! It has almost been a year since I met him for the first time, and it is like my other half is missing -don't take this wrong, will you?"

"I won't" He replied

"- and when I'm with, it is like you fill me whole agian, almost. He is my other half and you are like a half of him -" I took a second to breathe.

"- it may seem a little harsh, but there's notning I can do about it" I ended.

When I finally looken up on him I could see how much damaged I had brought on his face, already.

"Just forget I said anything, Jake. We don't really have to talk about it."

He just started talking, like what I've just had said had never been spoken.

"Then why don't you visit?"

"He didn't really say _were_ he would go. I don't think he has a permanent residence" I said.

"Oh, that might get a little tricky then"

"Mhm" I agreed

"Haven't you Alice email?"

"I did-" I replied "-she has of course switched"

"Right. Irritating vampires, that have to make the girl I love the most unhappy, and _I _can't fix it. Damn, life sucks!"

"Sorry" I murmured

"Don't apologize Bella, you haven't done anything wrong. But they have"

"You can't even think of how much I could give for a fight against him" He exhaled

"Don't say that, Jake. You both means too much, if someone of you would get hurt I honestly wouldn't know what I would do."

"Just words, you could say one thing, but when it comes to actions…" He didn't finish.

I looked up on his face and I could see how upset he was and I didn't want to upset him any further, so I didn't say anything more after that.

Instead of talking we both were standing so close to the water as possible and looken out on the sea and noticeed for the first time the sunset, and that made me wonder what time it was.

"08.45 PM?" I gasped. "I really need to get going Jake, Charlie is going to wonder were I am"

"Okay, but will you come down soon agian?" "You never vist" and that sad face came across his face agian.

"Hey, now when I think of it, why haven't you visit? And don't hold on to anything. Spit it out"

I sighed, when would this stop?

"As I just said, I've been going a little crazy, and I've, like, well I've lived my own world for a little while"

"Oh, yeah I guess you said that. But promise that you'll visit soon?" He asked

"I promise" Then I smiled, that smile he likes.

It seems that both of us has smiles that none of us can resist. That might come in handy, except when both of us is using it the same time. That would be hard.

On my way home I thought of the day as it had passed. We had gone to the beach store and bought ourselves a soda, then we had continued down the beach, but we both had been drinking up the soda before we came to the beach.

We had been talking about how Charlie and Billy gossip like old women, how school was, about the pack and Emily and eventully the Cullens and _him_…

When Jake had gone upset of `the irritating vampires´, I hadn't noticed that he had said `the girl I love the most´, and he had meant me. Me? It felt odd and a little uncomfortable, but still good. And it actully warmed my heart a little, beacuse I hadn't fell loved in so long.

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**_Well, that was chapter two! What do you think? I still think it's too short, but I will work on that to the next chapter._**  
**_Otherwise, I thought it turned out pretty good. But I can't wait to my favourite part that I got in my head. It was that part that got me write this, but I won't tell you - yet. Hehe (:_**

**_But sub and comment, and I'll love you! 3 (LOL^^)_**

**_Next chapter will be up in a few days, so check in now and then! _**

**_Love Alexandra_**


	3. Chapter 3: The Bad News Will Come Anyway

**Title:** An Unexpected Surprise**  
Summary: **AU Post-New Moon, Bella never jumped so Alice never had her vision and Edward still thought Bella was alive, so there was no reason for him to die. So they both goes on with their lives until Bella has enough and go visits some of the Cullens friends. And then makes another decison; to take back the love of her life. But when Edward opens the door, it isn't Bella. It is somebody he have never met, but knows way to good.**  
Rating:** Teen  
**Warning:** I'm not an American, I'm a 15-year old girl from Sweden but I have a A in English so I think you will understand, but I know I will make a lot of mistakes but don't stop reading beacause of that. This is a work in progress so if you liked this chapter, keep on waiting to the next chapter!

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**READ!: My program is still not working, but I will tell you when it does!**

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**Chapter three: The Bad News Will Come Anyway**

Suddenly my forehead got cold in the middle, not wet, but moist. And there was this sweet, almost candy smell.

"Sweethart, it's time wake up now" Edward sweet soft voice came from the right. I would bet anyone that I could hear him from the other side of the world. I would test it if somebody made me but I would still have right. I knew him to good.

He was shaking me now, that wasn't like him, he must be excited or couldn't bare the wait anymore I guess that only could be good.

I rolled over to his side and opended my eyes and there was this bright light that came right from behind Edward -from my open windows, the were always open when he was here-, and it looked like he was a angel sent from heaven -but he would probably say that he was sent from hell- and it really looked like he was glowing.

He stood on his elbow so that he could kiss my forehead once agian, and then he rolled back.

"Good morning, my beauty" He greeted me, and then smiled that dazzling smile as usal.

"Hi" Was all I managed to choke out.

He just laughed at how I reacted and bent over to kiss my lips, we both closed our eyes and we were about to kiss, when I woke up.

It was always that stupid dream, why couldn't it be real? Why couldn't I have Edward by my side everytime I woke up, like I had before? Like in that stupid dream? Like I had before my 18th birthday? Before I opend those stupid presents, before he left me..

The only thing that was the same this morning as the dream, was the bright sun the shined through my open windows. Wait, what?

_Open._

Were my windows really _open?_

I closed my eyes, the hardest I could managed, and opended them agian.

"Unbelievable" I breathed

I had always my windows just a little bit open -with the hook on, so the wouldn't blow up, but still so I would get some fresh air- , but not wide open as they were now!

Had somebody been here, while I slept? While Charlie slept? If somebody had been here, could it be Edward?

No, that was impossible. He had said that I would never see him agian, never agian. And the last time I saw him was in the woods September 19th. I didn't even have photos of him. Everything was gone, excerpt for my memories. He couldn't erase them.  
But could he mean that _he_ would be able to see me? How far away did he actually live? Or well, "lived".

_Naa, there's no way he would vistit you. _I thought for myself.

The next 20 minuets I stood in the shower, trying to clear my head from all those crazy thoughts. I went out and wraped a towel around me and started brushing my teeth. I really didn't feel the apptetite to eat breakfast. I would probably eat brunch later, if I felt the strength...

I went back to my rom, and straightened out my hair -which looked like a bird's neste and put on my sweats and started my ancient computer to check my emails.

While my computer started, I began to tap my fingers agianst my desk. I _really_ didn't have the same patience as my ex-boyfriend had.

Eventully it started, and I login to my account. I had two new emails. I opend the first one -it was from my Renée.

`_Hi honey!_

_How are you? Phil and I're great, you should come visit soon. I think you coulld need a weekend or two to get away from that boring grey town. Florida is wonderful! And really warm, I think you would like it._

_What are you doing these days? I never hear anything from you later, have you heard anything from Edward yet?_

_Call me when you get time._

_Love Mom.´_

Why on earth did she think that I would hear anything from _him_? He had said straight and clearly that I would never see or hear anything from him agian! But of course she didn't know anything about that.

Or had he contacted her, and was tryning to get something out of me?

No, he would never do that, and particularly not her, I knew them _both_ to good.

I started writing back.

`_Hi Mom_

_Everything is fine-´_ I lied _`- I've just had much to do, and on my mind.´ _That's was true anyway._ `You know school, fixning stuff at home, hanging out with Jake etc._

_But now I've time. Yeah, I think I could need a weekend of, but not right now. There's so much going on right now. Maybey after gradation. Can we talk about it later? But sure, I would probably like it, it seems nice._

_No Mom, I haven't. And I probably never will. 'Cause the last thing he said to me was that this was the last time I would see and hear anything from him agian, so I don't think I will._

_I may call you today, or someother day. I promise, this week._

_Love Bella._´

After I've sent it I started to think about my time -and also my child-hood- in Phoenix.

As a little child I had spent so much time in the the garden and in the playground, that I had to shower everyday beacuse I was to dirty to even come in side.

But something had changed, 'cause when I got older, in my early teens, I'd spent all my time inside, both on my free time and in school. Maybey it was beacuse of the fact that I never had any real friends, that I was to _afraid _of to go out? To be left alone?

I didn't have a clue about how it felt to be left alone, when I was younger. Not when I have experienced this. This lonely, sad, pathetic world I lived in.

When I opend my next email I suddenly didn't feel so alone anymore, when I saw who the sender was.

_It was from Carlisle._

I was to shocked to even read the mail, I just stared at the name. Blinded, But after a couple of minutes I got back to normal and I finded the only right decison.

I closed the email. Not delete it, just closed it. For now.

I usally was dazzled by anything that involved the Cullens, but this time I was blinded and confused.

I was sure as hell blinded and confused, literally too. 'Cause when I stood up, I suddenly felt dizzy and everything went black.

And that is the last thing I remember. The next second I woke up.

I looked around, it seemd that I was in the hospital. _Great... _At least I wasn't attached to any wires or stuff like that, except for one that looked like it took my bloodpressure. That one thing that goes `Dut.. Dut.. Dut.. Dut..´. And when you're about to die, or has died it is just ´Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep´. I guess that is how my heart sounds every day. Dead, without a reson to live. Or to love.

I looked out of the windows and saw that the sun was just over the mountains, so I guess that it was just over 07.00 AM.

Charlie slept in a chair on my left, and on the other side of the room Jake was sleeping on a couch. Good they both needed sleeping. Especially Jacob, given that he runs around like a wolf all night. Sam must have given him a free day or something like that. I was glad of that.

I didn't want to wake them up, so I continued to lie still in bed and looked up at the ceiling and waited for them to wake up so they could tell me what had happened. I almost died of inpatience.

I found a remote control -probably to the TV infront of me- on my nightstand, well it wasn't a nightstand. It was more of a little table, hospital-style.

When I picked it up my clumsiness would of course take over and I dropped it on the floor with a big thud. _Perfect.._

Jake immediatley got up on his feet and looked around, nervous and shocked by the sudden, _loud_ sound.

"Sorry-" I whispered "- I didn't mean to wake you up. I would just switch channel, but now that stupid control is on the stupid floor. You wouldn't mind give it to me, and then promise to go back to sleep?"

"Why?" He asked confused

I lifted my arm as much the wire would allow and tried to shake it so that he would see that I was stuck.

"I know that, but I was wondering why you would want me to go back to sleep? You don't want to talk to me" He asked as he took up the remote and handed it over to me.

"Thanks-" I replied, still whispering "- of course I do, I just want you to get some sleep. You never do, and then I would like to get informed about what the fuck has happend?"

"Is there anyone who has been awakened on the wrong side of the bed today?" He teased, it really bugged me.

"Jake" I said out loud, almost to loud to wake up Charlie

"Fine" He gave up. "So you don't remember?"

I shoked my head

"That's not good"

"You don't say?" I snatched, to annoyed to be polite.

"Ouch!-" He mutter "-You always complain when I am being rude, but it is okay for you to be rude. What a hypocrites you are!" He thought he was teasing me, but now he was really getting under my skin.

I had not exactly been sleeping well either, I'd probably also need a good night's sleep. But this was not a good moment.

"Don't be a baby, just suck it up. I'm tired, okay?" I could really feel how the fatigue was spreading in my body. From the head and all the way to the toes. Every millimeter of it.

He just stood and looked at me with a untouched face like I was being an idiot, which I was. He didn't move a muscle. It was like he was frozen.

Which made me remember what had happend.

Frozen. The Cullens. Carlisle. The email.

That made me nervous. Time to put up a charade, with other words; time to pretend that I still didn't remember, I wanted to know what had happen after I passed out. I wanted to know all of it. So if I told Jake what had brought me here. He would just leave, and I could definitely not tell Charlie that I had received an email from Carlisle. He would be crazy and look them up directly.

But would he succeed? I wouldn't think so. As soon as they felt the scent of him they would run away to the next hiding place.

"Ehm, Jake…-" I started "I'm sorry about that, It's just that I haven't slept so good. So could you just tell me what had happend. Before I fell asleep. I'm relly curious" .

"First of all, apology accepted-" I smiled and he continued "Second of all, your not alone. This couch isn't very comfortable. It's like sleeping on a rock!" He complained.

I squeezed my knuckle as much as I passed by and looked down at the floor while anger filled my face, and tears started to fill my eyes. I blinked once and before I knew it they were streaming down my cheeks.

"Ey, Bells. Did I say something wrong?" Running to me with his arms straighten out for me.

When he saw that I did not response, my eyes still crying and my knuckles still wrapped into fists, he bent down to my height and started to wipe away my tears. He looked at my fists that probably were red by now, but now he unwrapped them and took them in his big warm hands and spoke to me.

"Bella-" He began "-I'm so sorry for what I said, but…" It seemd that he had lost him self, but it cleard to him now what he had said. `_It's like sleeping on a rock!´ _

If he just knew how much I would give to sleep with Edward on my side _just one more time_!

"I'm so sorry Bella, I forgot, it will never happen agian, I promise"

I looked down at him with tearful eyes and I could really see how much damage I had brought on to he face. Why would I always do that? I can't stand it anymore, it hurts too much. I must put an end to it. Here and now.

"Jake-" I started, but my voice failed me and broke into a sob. He was about to give he a hug when I stopped him. I didn't want this to be a more sensitive moment then it already was and he could read it on my face and he just nodded.

I gave it another try, and this time my voice held it's tone. "Jake, it's okay. It really is. You couldn't know. It isn't your fault. I should have let go by now, but it's just to hard! I know y-"

He hushed me the same way he had done yesterday, I didn't like it but I didn't say anything either. I just wanted to now what the fuck had happend! Or well after I'd passed out.

"Bella, I will never hurt agian. The pain is unbearable. I don't want you to hate me so I'm ending that now. And from now on, if I hurt you agian. I'm going to leave"

That gave me another shock.

"Why?" I breathed "I mean no, you can't leave me. Beacuse you have never hurt me. It's me hurting myself"

That gave him a shock.

"What?"

"You know I still love him. But you might don't know that I can't let him go"

"I'm sorry for many things Bella. For example, I'm sorry beacuse you can't let him go. But you need to know that everybody already knows that you can't let him go. We can see it on you. Always sad, even if you look happy for a second, but when you look away we can see your pain, and trust me. It hurts deep in my heart and sure as hell everbody elses "

That really gave me a wake up call. I hadn't just been hurting Jacob. I had been hurting everybody else, without been knowing it! I had been hurting Billy, Jessica, Angela, Mike, Eric, Sam, Emily, Embry, Jared, Paul. And Charlie. Probably Renée too.

Charlie has certainly told her.

God, I felt like I wanted to die, but that would just hurt everybody else even more. Not such a good idea then.

"Do you want to talk about him, Bella?" Jacob asked, very caring. I knew that Jake hated Edward for leaving me, but still he wanted me for himself.

It was the same thing about these talks about Edward.

As much as Jake loved me and cared about me and wanted me to feel good, and forget everything about Edward. He wanted to help me. But when he did that_,_ it brought _Jake _pain. Something I could not bare. So we were trapped in an evil cirkel. No where to go.

"Yeah, but not now. Maybey later" I mumble sadly.

"Okay" He replied.

"Do you want me to wake Charlie?" He asked

"No, let him sleep. I bet he hasn't got so much sleep. Just look at all those coffe mugs! I bet he has stayed up all night"

Jacob looked at me, as if he had something to confess.

"Is there anything you want to tell me, Jake?"

He bit his lip. He didn't used to be this nervous. Not what I rememberd.

"Um, Bella-" He began. "- that was just the coffe mugs for _this_ night" He said

I didn't want to know how my face expression looked like now.

"_This_ night?" I almost roared. I had to calm my self.

"How long have I've been out?" I said with a calmer voice

This was something Jake didn't want to answer at all. The way he looked at me, it didn't really shout `good´.

"Bella, you have sort of been in shock for three weeks"

He looked at me with unsure eyes. He didn't know how I would react. I understood him. I had been crying, shouting and aplogized this morning, what would I do next? Even I didn't want to know.

"WHAT?" I screamd

Jake didn't respond. But Charlie did.

Great no more talking about that. I wonderd how long it would take before I got some answers, answers that I _really, really, really, really wanted to know._

"Bella! You're awake!" He ran over to me and hugged me tight and kissed my forehead several times.

"Bella, are you okay?" He whisperd

His mustasch was huge! And his beard had grown out a little bit. He had stubbe now.

Damn, I'd missed a lot!

"Yeah dad, I just want to go home. You think I would be allowed?" I asked tired

"Don't think so sweetheart - Jacob, would you go get a doctor?"

"Already on my way" He replied, he was already at the door.

Damn, that kid is fast.

"Dad, could you tell me what have happend? I don't remember" I mumble

"You don't remember?" He asked surprise

Why couldn't everybody just stop saying that?

"No" I replied

"I'll tell you later"

I nod.

The next minute a femal doctor walked through the door with a male nurse on her side, and behind them Jake was standing at the door, looking at me.

"Hi Isabella, my name is Dr. Harrison and I'm going to treat you until you feel better"

"I already feel better, I never felt bad or sick" I lied, in a way. I'd never felt bad. I had just gone in to shock, it wasn't my fault.

And in the othter way, I did feel bad. But it was Edward's fault.

"Bella, just let the doctor do her job" Charlie argued

"Thank you Mr. Swan" She smiled, her blue eyes were on me agian.

`_Don't like the attentaion_´ I thought for myself, but I guessed that it wasn't much to do. I was sure as hell that I would be here for a while.

"Isabella, I'm goi-" She started, but I interupted. I really hate my birth name.

"My name is Bella" I said, cocky with eye contact. What had gotten into me. I was never cheeky and definitely had no eye contact at times like this.

"Bella!" Charlie raised his voice now.

"That's fine" My doctor said -Susan-, I saw her name on her name tag. Dr. Susan Harrison. Huh.

She made another try, but this time more insecure.

"Bella, I'm going tolight in your eyes to see if you have concussion, do you feel dizzy? She asked.

"No" I replied while she looked in my eyes with her flashlight..

"I belive you" She said, happy for some reson. `_Wierd doctor_´ I thought.

"You don't seem to have a concussion" Now I liked her.

"Good" Charlie breathed.

She continued to look for signs that would have me to stay another night or two. Or a week. For my health of course, it was her job.

But I didn't seem to have anything. _Thank God for that!_

"You may be able to go home to night-" _That's good news_ "-but I would want you to stay another night, since you were out for three weeks" _But there are always bad news too, espacially in my world._

"You may go into shock again. Like a `after-shock´. It isn't very common, but we warn all our patience." She said to both Charlie and me.

"Of course we stay, if that's the best" Charlie replied, way to soon for me to think about it. But what was it to think about anyway, Charlie would force me to stay.

I sighed high, but not to high so it would sound made up. Just high enough so they would here my disappointment, and they did beacuse they laughed, and I rolled away from them to look out the windows.

My mind started to wonder away agian, and I hadn't noticed that the nurse and the doctor had disappeard. Why had the nurse been here actually? He hadn't done anything, but I guessed it was just one of their routines.

Jake had been here everyday since I got here, but hadn't slept here except for to day. But now he was gone and I hadn't got the chance to talk him agian.

_Damn it._

I would talk to him in the morning.

Charlie was down at the cafeteria and ate. I wasn't hungry at all so just fell asleep right away.

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_**Well, that was chapter three. Hope you liked it! Btw, this was the kind of length that I wanted. I think it's not too short and not too long. What do you think? Comment what you thought of the chapter and about the length!:)**_

_**I'm going a way to vacation tomorrow, so I won't be able to write so much on the next chapter. But a little on the evening I think, I can't promise anything. But if I won't be able to write when I'm gone, the next chapter will be up next week. So you know. But I will be home on Wendsday evening so we'll se.**_

_**But review and sub!:)**_

_**Alexandra**_


	4. Chapter 4: What If The Dream Never Ended

**Title:** An Unexpected Surprise**  
Summary: **AU Post-New Moon, Bella never jumped so Alice never had her vision and Edward still thought Bella was alive, so there was no reason for him to die. So they both goes on with their lives until Bella has enough and go visits some of the Cullens friends.**  
Rating:** Teen**  
Warning:** I'm not an American, I'm a 15-year old girl from Sweden but I have a A in English so I think you will understand, but I know I will make a lot of mistakes but don't stop reading beacause of that. This is a work in progress so if you liked this chapter, keep on waiting to the next chapter!

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_**YEAH! I'M HOME!:D Just so you know, I was in a family place in here in Sweden which is called Skara Sommarland (= Skara Summerplace. Kind of :P). Where you can like slide down from water slides and ride rides. So we stayed in a little cabin until today. So I have been in a car for four hours, so I 'm really tired. I started to write this chapter in the car in Monday, but then I just wrote to the text and now I've finished it and it's 2.51 AM and I'm so tired of a day when you start with a 5 ½ half hours sleep. Pack all your stuff and you have to make your self ready for the day in less then 20 minutes. And you haven't eated breakfast. Then you are going to slide from water slides, sunbathe, ride carousels, and then eat and then sit in a car for four hours. Come home start packing up all your things, take a shower and start writing. So yeah, I'm pretty tired. I got home arounf 9 PM... But know I'm hungry, great. Should I start cooking at 2.55 AM in the morning when everybody is asleep? Naa, wouldn't think so. Well now, you shouldn't keep reading this. Start reading chapter four now!:) Hope you like it!**_

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**READ!: My program is still not working, but I will tell you when it does!**

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**Chapter four: What If The Dream Never Ended**

There was one thing I wanted more than anything in the world right now -execpt for Edward, he would always be my no. 1 priority- and that was a cup of coffe. I raised my voice and got my whished full filled. I had always been Renée's little princess when I was younger and ill or hurt. And she had always done what I had said. It was my Mom's overprotecting thing. A mother's job. I guess Charlie thought now was the time to take over that part, now I was hurt and miles away from my mother.

"You want anything in with the coffe?" Charlie yelled from downstairs. We had been home for a couple of hours now. I was glad of that.

The last think we got to do on the hospital was to do some test. One was about my sight. The othter one was about my hearing. And the last one was about my balance.

I got a full point on all of them, except on the balance test. I had always been, and still was a little clumsy. Or well, _very _clumsy. Charlie had explain it to Susan, she wasn't really convinced but Charlie had thought she would look in my journal and read about it there. And there it stood that I was clumsy as a child too.

"Yeah, a little spoon of sugar and some whipped cream, if it's possible" I yelled back.

He was back in less than five minutes with a tray, and with my coffe and a unwished sandwich. But I was hungry now, so I ate with joy.

"Here you go" I sat up in my bead with my quilt all over me. He put the tray down on my legs as I replied happily but a bit tired. "Thanks Dad, I really appreciate it. It looks good."

"No problem honey, thank you too by the way -for the compliment I mean" His cheeks turned light red now. I understod and smiled to him.

"I made a sandwich to, it's with peanutbutter. You said that you liked it before so I thought why not."

"Thanks again, I just got hungry and it's my favourite sandwichs anyway. So thanks" I said.

We both smiled and he left my rom. While I ate my phone buzzed. It was Renée.

I flipped my phone up and read my SMS.

`_Hi, are you awake? I heard you were home. I'm sorry I didn't come, but you know Phil. We'll talk about it later. Call me when you read this. Love´_

I started to text her back.

`_Hi Mom, yeah since four hours back. It's okay, I understand. By the way, there's no point of spend your money on a flightticket. I'll call you know_´

She answeard after six signals.

"_Bella! How are you honey?_" I heard my mother's desperate voice of fear -of my health- by the end on the line.

"Hi Mom, yeah I'm okay, I'm just a bit shaky. I'm not allowed to do anything for Charlie. He does all my daily chores, so that's pretty nice. I think he's trying to take over your thing. He even made me a sandwich!"

"_Okay, as long as you are good. Hope you feel better soon_."

"Yeah, I hope so soon. I don't like this feeling. I'm a little dizzy and there is this strange feeling in my legs sometimes, like they are going to go numb at any second."

"_That doesn't sound good. But it's probably just some of the medicines you got. You did get that, right?_"She asked worried, maybey she thought they had not give a shit about me. It wouldn't surprise me if she sued the Hospital of Forks. My Mom was known as do desperate and spontaneous things.

"I think so" I replied "I was out for 3 weeks, remember?"

"_Oh yeah, that's right. Hey, what's up with Charlie. He has never done anything like that, hasn't he?_"

"Um, no. But as I said, I think he's tryning to take care of me like you used to do when I was ill."

"_Maybey he is_" She didn't sound convinecd, but I was. I could hear on her voice that there was something that was bugging her, and I had so right.

"_Um Bella_-" She started "-_did you eat his sandwich?_"

"Haha, yes Mom I did" I giggled. Silly question.

"_How could you? How did it taste?_" I could imagined my mother's face of how she would look like right now. Her face would be all cringed up in disgust. She probably felt that was crazy. Crazy enough to eat Charlie food.

"Mom, now're mean. He made my favourite sandwich -with peanutbutter-. He rememberd, and that's good of him. He did it better than me. So don't be hard on him, even behind his back." I didn't like that my mother was talking crap behind his back. It just didn't feel OK.

"_Sorry, honey. It's just been so many years since I ate with him. And what I remember was that he wasn't exactly a star in the kitchen. It wasn't supposed to sound mean._"

"I know Mom" There was a big puas before anybody of us spoke agian.

"_Can I ask you something Bella?_" She did't sound happy or sad, something in between.

"Maybey, what is it about?" I had a clue of what I might be.

"_Edward_" Once agian I had right.

"Mom, do we _have_ to?…" I complained

"_I want to, it's about your inner health_"

"Fine, make it quick. I don't like to talk about him. It hurts to much."

"_That's the reson I want to talk about him. Charlie and I have had a little talk and we think that you should go visit a psychologist_, _maybey two times a week_." Just in the wrong moment Charlie walked in -right moment for Charlie and Renée though.

I couldn't belive what Mom had just said. They _both_ wanted me to go see a psychologist.

For the first, I had expected that from Renée, but I had never thought that she would give that as a propose. But that Charlie would allow it? That's just too much.

Second, there would be _a lot _of gossip in this little boring town -that drow me insane, but I couldn't leave it, 'cause what if he did come back?- and I really don't care when people talk about me, good or bad. But when the rumors are starting to spread, that's when I go crazy.

And third, what the heck would I say? Would I just sit there and say like `_Um, I really don't now how to begin this but my ex-boyfriend is a vampire since 1918 and we were together and on my birthday in September I cut myself on the gift wrap and started to bleed and one of his brothers -Jasper- started to attack me, and wanted my blood and so did the rest of his familj, but Jasper was the only one who to attacted me. But I don't care 'cause they are all vegeterain vampires, which means that they only survive on animal blood, but anyway Edward saved me. And the next they he broke up with me, and left the town. The whole familj just left. He said that it wasn't save for me. That I could get killed. But the only thing I want is to be a vampire, but he doesn't want that. And by the way, you have all wrong about vampires. They don't burn in to ash in the sunlight. They sparkle like a billion tiny diamonds_´ Yeah, that would sound perfect! They would definatley put me into a mental hospital. Just what I need.

There was no way I could agree to this.

"Honey-" Charlie put his hands on my shoulders. I hadn't speaked since he came in. "-put the speaker on, will you?"

I almost did as he said, except for the thing that I did the total oppostie of what he said.

"Good bye Mom" I said, and then flipped down my phone. Took my jacket and ran down stairs and out to my truck. I needed to clear my mind.

I didn't now where I was going until I discoverd that I was heading towards Port Angeles, and decided that I would hang out there for a couple of hours. It really didn't matter. I just needed to be alone.

The ride took almost an hour with my slow truck that refused to go over 50.

When I got to Port Angeles I drow to a store (They had open to 11 PM, thank god for that. The clock was just 7.15 PM now, so I had a couple of hours),parked my car and started to walk.

I didn't see where I was going, I just kept on walking until I got to a park.

The park was beautiful. There was a lot of hanging trees, and some of the branches almost touched the surface of the pond, and some touched the grund. Soon a light breeze blew and everything got even more beautiful, espacially the branches as they sway back and forth. And it helped me to clear my head. Mission accomplished.

I had been unfocused and distracted by everything the whole day, that I hadn't noticed that I had stood straight up for at least 15 mins without sitting down. I had just admired the pond. Eventully I saw a big rock a few meters on the right of me.

I went to lean against the rock with my arms wrapped around me.

I could feel how much cooler the air had been, several degrees, and I hadn't been out for long. Maybey 40 minutes.

I waited 20 minutes more until I went to a café. The café was round and white painted, not far way from the park. It was just next to it.

I enterd the café and the scent of fresh baked buns and honey almost hit me in the face with a baseball bat and I immediatley got a craving of buns and tea, and that was what I orderd.

I got my bun and my tea with honey and went to sit on the porch.

I started to dip my bun in the tea, when a blonde haired girl came to offer me a plaid. She looked like something in my age, 18-19 year old maybey.

"Excuse me, I was wondering if you would want a plaid? It's getting a bit cold and everbody else has one." I looked around surprised to see that I wasn't alone n the porche. Once agian I hadn't noticed anybody aroud me.

"Um, yes thank you. That would be nice" I whisperd.

She smiled and nodded the same time as she handed me my plaid. I wrapped my self around it right away and pressed my legs against my breast.

While I looked at the sun that was going down behind the pond I started to eat my bun, it was vanilla in. Good, I don't like cinnamon.

The sun kept my mind going for a good time.

I washed down the last bit of my bun with a last sip of tea and then let out a big sigh.

Eventully I was alone on the porch and the same blonde haired girl came back to me.

"Excuse me miss, but we are closing now. I'm afraid you have to leave" She said

"Oh, okay" I answered as I stood up.

She had a rolling table with her which she loaded up all the plaids that were left alone on the chairs from othter customers. Soon there was another brown haired man -probably in he's twenties- who started to collect in the dishes. I gave the girl 10 dollars and told her to keep the tip. I didn't care right now.

When I was out of the little café I looked at the clock. 9.28 PM. Good I had over 1 and a half hour until I would get a ticket.

I had left my jacket in my car, stupid decison. It was rally cold without a plaid or a jacket. I kept on walking and put my hands in my jeans pockets. I looked down in the ground as I walked and didn't see where I was heading until I looked up to see that I was on a playground. Good I was lost, and no one to ask about the way.

I saw a two peoples back on a log -mayeby 100 meters away-, one short girl with black hair and a tall blonde man and I started to walk towards them. When it maybey was 60 meters left I saw who they were.

Alice and Jasper.

I gasped out loud and I could feel my tears started to strem down my cheeks. I just stood and stared at them

They both heard my loud gasped and looked back quick and they had the same expressions on there faces. Shoked and surprised.

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_**So that was chapter four! Hope you liked it! What are Jasper and Alice going to to? Are they going to walk to Bella? Are they leaving again? What are Bella going to do? Is she going to them, or are they escaping before she even is able to come there? Is Bella leaving? Wait and read in chapter five! Comment about what you think. Chapter five will be up in a few days! Keep on reading and review!:)**_

Alexandra


	5. Chapter 5: To Give Something In Return?

**Title:** An Unexpected Surprise**  
Summary: **AU Post-New Moon, Bella never jumped so Alice never had her vision and Edward still thought Bella was alive, so there was no reason for him to die. So they both goes on with their lives until Bella has enough and go visits some of the Cullens friends.**  
Rating:** Teen**  
Warning:** I'm not an American, I'm a 15-year old girl from Sweden but I have a A in English so I think you will understand, but I know I will make a lot of mistakes but don't stop reading beacause of that. This is a work in progress so if you liked this chapter, keep on waiting to the next chapter!

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**READ!: My program is still not working, but I will tell you when it does!**

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**Chapter five: To Give Something In Return?**

APOV

"So were are we going next?" Jasper asked.

Jasper and I had been in different cities in Washington for almost two weeks by now, and it was time to run away agian. This started to get boring and irritating. Everybody hated to move around.

"Well, we could take off to Canada if you want, it's not far way from here"

Deep in my heart I wished that he would say yes, beacuse then I wouldn't be far away from the rest of my familj -who lived somewhere in north of America, they moved around a lot and Jasper and I had been away three months soon, and the last time I talked to them was in January when we left, so I guessed they moved again. They all miss Forks and Bella. But it isn't safe for her to be close to us.

And I wouldn't be far way from my best friend either. Edward had forbidden me to speak with her, to even visit her. I couldn't even be close to her, even if she didn't see me 'cause he thought that maybey somebody else would. He had a point, but I missed her so much.

"Sure, if that's what you want" He replied. Jasper would to anything for me. _Anything_. And I would do the same, even if it meant that I would have to die for him to live.

"Good. When're we leaving?" I asked. We wasn't supposed to be here in Port Angeles, it was way to close to Bella according to Edward. It was totally forbidden. The closest we were allowed to visit was in Montana. Before it was in North Dakota, but we talked him in to there was no way she would even leave Washington. But we still think hes exaggerating.

Carlisle and Esme are the only ones who followes Edward rule.

"A week from now?" Jazz asked

Suddenly we heard a loud gasp behind us (probably 60 meters) and just as we turned our heads just a centimeter so the wind could blow in too our faces and in to through our nostrils. We knew exactly who it was.

"A..Alice, Jasper?" She whisperd

"What are we going to do?" I murmured

"Get her to sleep" He replied, not taking his eyes from her. He was just as surprised as I was.

Bella's grey hoodie was already soaken wet from her tears and I just wanted to run to her and beg for forgivness. I would beg for her to forgive me for a million years. And I wouldn't stop. She means to much for me.

She started to walk towards us, very slow and the next second she collapsed by Jaspers sleep feeling. I immediatley ran to catch her before she hit the ground. Thankfully nobody was there to see my inhuman speed.

She was totally unreconizable. Her pale skin with her rose red cheeks was completly white. Her brown, healthy, shiny hair had totally lost it's glow and luster.

Her clothing was, without words… Trashes. The bottom of her tee was ripped apart. She didn't care about how she looked. She didn't care bout anything anymore. She was a wreck, and we didn't know that beacuse we wasn't allowed to visit her.

"We have to take her home" I whisperd when Jasper had come up to me and the now sleeping Bella.

"I know" He murmured. Jasper continued to look at her. "She look so different. I can't reconize her. Her body, face, hair, lips, eyes. Her personality has totally changed. The color of her hoodie match her personality perfectly now. Grey. Before we left her, I could always feel that she was happy. She was always happy when Edward was around. But now everything is gone. All her emotions. Blank. Gone. Like somebody has sucked her soul out".

"We all have" I reminded him.

"Here let me take her, and you could go call Edward"

" 'kay" I replied as I handed her over to Jasper.

I took up my cell and pressed 1 for Edward as I was heading for some space to speak alone. It took three seconds before he answered.

"_Hi Alice_" I heard Edward's sad voice. He was always unhappy nowdays and we all knew why

"Hi Ed" I replied, not quite sure of how I would say it. But it didn't really matter because he would be furious at any rate.

"Jasper and I thought that you would like to know that we have met Bella" I said quiet.

He didn't answer for a few seconds.

"_You've WHAT?_" He growled. I knew what he would ask; How could I be this irresponsible?

I knew him to good.

"It wasn't my fault. Jasper and I are in Port Angels. We wanted to be as close to Forks as possible beacuse we miss it too much, but we didn't want to go _to_ Forks if somebody would see us. And now it seemed that we had the bad luck on our side anyway and Bella just happend to be here." I defended myself and Jasper.

"_Where's Bella and Jasper now?_"

"Jasper is taking care of Bella. Which you never did" I comment, but he growled louder now.

"_You know it was beacuse of her safety and health!_"

"Guess what, she is in worse condition then you can ever imagin. You did more damage then good Edward. Ever thouht of that?"

He didn't replied.

"I thought so"

"_You're just exaggerating_" He whisperd after a moment

"No"

He didn't want to talk about it anymore. "_Is she asleep?_"

"What do you think?" I replied annoyed. He didn't deserve any good behaviour from anybody right now, not since the last six months either.

"Just take her home, without her to wake up" He begged

"We are already working on that. Bye"

He hung up the phone and I started to walk back to Jasper in normal speed. Human speed.

"Was he mad?" He asked when I was with him again.

"Very"

"Shit. He will never forgive me for this"

"Me neither" I said as I looked him in his eyes. "Let's take her home, but keep her sleep going"

He nodded.

Jasper and I ran back to Forks. He carried Bella in his arms. Carfully not to wake her up.

When we arrived we layed Bella done outside the front door and took a last look at her before we rang on the door bell. It was just like when kids used to rang on doors and run away.

Jasper and I took a last look of the broken Bella we would now remember, instead of a happy Bella but with a bloody cut on her arm. I prefer my last memory of her.

A minute after I gave her a kiss on her cheek and Jasper rang on the door.

We ran in to the woods so we could see Charlie open the door and find his daughter on the grund, asleep. Before he would wake her up beacuse of his yelling, he held his hand over his mouth and carried her in to the house and up to her rom. He was shocked.

And that was it.

"I guess we better get going rigth away" I said to Jasper. Our eyes still locked on the Swan's house.

"I think that's the best now"

I turned around and let him comfort me as I fell in his arms, sobbing for the loss of my best friend once agian. My tearless crying never ended until he kissed me passionate. His soft lips curved around mine. They were everywhere. One my cheeks, my nose, my neck, but mostly my lips.

But after a while we had left Forks behind us for the second time in less than a year and was heading to the north.

BPOV

I heard somebody knock on my door. I didn't understand that I was at home before I heard Charlie's voice.

"You're awake?" He asked with his morning voice.

"Yeah" I croaked.

He opened my door a little to see that I really was awake.

"Do you have any idéa how worried I was last night?"

"I'm sorry" I whisperd while I braided my hair up in a hole in my duvet. I sat up now in my bed

"Where were you?"

"Port Angeles" I said

"How did you get home?"

I hadn't got a chancce to think of it. I didn't remember.

"I was to tired to drive home, so I took a cab" I lied, but he seemed to belive me by the fact that my truck wasn't there it should be.

"You could have just called you know. I would have picked you up"

Okay, he definatley belived it. "I know, but I was too upset and weren't you sleeping?"

"Without knowing where you are? Wouldn't think so hun" He said with his warm eyes.

I knew that he had already forgived me for my disapperance, but I hadn't forgived Renée's and Charlie's propose abort me getting a psychologist. But I would handle that later.

"Could I have som privacy, I think I would need a shower to clear my head" I excused myself.

"Of course" He said, and he was out of my rom in no time.

I took some clean clothes with me before I went to the bathroom.

I dragged myself all the way with big, slow steps.

I brushed my hair and undressed myself for the shower, turned on the heat. Almost the hottest, and just stood there and let the water stream down from my head and down my body.

Eventully I stept out and took double towels. One I wrapped around my body and one around my hair, so my hair wouldn't drop water everywhere I went. I got myself dressed. My old sweats and a black tee. I let my hair fall down on my back and brushed it violent for the second time to day.

I rememberd Alice and Jasper on the log. But suddenly I was here.

I could remember the anger and frustration I had felt. The sadness and disappointment. The feeling that I could breathe again after so many months of lonlyness.

Hot wet tears had been streaking down my cheeks again before they had even turned their heads. I had been crying a lot recently.

The other emotion I had felt was sleepy.

Were they back? Could my bad luck really turn in to something good? Would they be back one after one? Would Edward come back?

Of course not. Beacuse a second later Charlie had knocked on my door and I was awake.

Jasper must have get me to sleep so they could get me home, without me asking any questions or so I would miss them even more. But that was already done. I started to miss them even more as quick as I saw them, so it didn't matter if I spoke to them. I would still miss them as much as when I saw them.

Suddenly I rememberd that I didn't know what date it was. Or, I did not remeber the date. Same thing.

I flipped my phone open. April 11th.

Of course. I had been out for three weeks.

More and more memories came back I was Jacob's biggest love, we had been discussing our realationship compared to Edward's and mine, if they were anyway so I could contact them. Now I rememberd the most imortant memory.

Carlisle had contacted _me_.

I went straight to my bedroom and started my computer.

I was too nervous to pass the time while my computer started. I did not dare to get up before I knew what he wanted. But it was a huge chance that I would be more nervous and terrified when I knew what he wanted.

I opened my inbox and clicked on the email without looking on the name 'cuase I knew that it would cause more pain and that would really set me of and I would probably past out again.

I took a deep breathe before I scrolled down to the beginning of the mail.

I wasn't sure if I could handle this. Had I the guts to do this? Would I scream out loud or sit frozen, not being able to move or speak? I would soon have the answer on _that._

What if it was something important. Something that would give me some info about why Alice and Jasper were in Port Angels last night? Maybey it was something about Edward.

I had to know.

_`Dear Bella_

_I understand if hate me or my whole familj. I understand if you don't want to read this. You maybey even don't read this. You maybey have already deleted this. But if you haven't I want you too kow that all of us are deeply sorry for what we have done to you. We all miss you too much. Emmett, Rosalie, Esme and I have talked about contacting you for a whilee now. But we didn't know if it would upset you further or make it better. Alice and Jasper haven't been with us since Januray so they don't know anything. It's the same with Edward. He hasn't been with us since we left._

_Bella, my family is breaking apart slowly. Part after part. _

_We still haven't made a decion if we should contact you or not. But I'm going crazy and you are the only one who I know that can save my family. The others don't know. Espacially not Edward._

_I can't tell you where we are. It's to dangerous for you._

_I know we have hurt you deeply and it can never be forgiven -I understand that but I'm begging you Bella. Help me…´_

I read the it four times before I got it. He wanted me to help him to save his family. Good to finally know that I didn't was a part of that. Or he had already counted me in it without saying it. ``_My family is breaking apart slowly. Part after part. ´´._

Maybey I was the first to go, Edward the second and now Alice and Jasper?

It was my fault in a way but it wasn't my fault in a other way. They left me, so I didn't need to save them. It was there decison to leave so they brought the pain to themselves, and me.. But I wanted to beacuse I loved them too much.

But it was they who left me, so why would I help. It was like I would give them something in return? They leave me and I would give them something in return? That's just crazy.

But I love them to much. I honestly don't know what to do, and I really couldn't decide now. But I thought it was the best to reply.

When I was about to write back my fingers froze on my keyboard. What would I say?

Could I just say that I didn't know if I wanted to help them? But if I decided to help them, how the hell would I do?

`_Carlisle._

_I don't hate you. I just don't understand why you left. Was Edward tired of me? Were you guys tired of me? Is it hard for Jasper for me to be around? For Rosalie?_

_Or was it something else? _

_I miss you too. More then you could ever imagin. But I'm sorry to say this Carlisle. I don't know if I can help you. If I _want_ to help you. I ain't Bella anymore. I'm just a girl without a reason to live. As long I ain't myself anymore I can't see how I could possible be a help, I would probably be more of a burden._

_Don't write until I know how I will do. I need space and time to think. You left me bleeding, Carlisle. And I'm still bleeding and it will never stop. Even if you came back. Right now it's like a huge hole inside me and blood are running out all the time. But if you came back it would be a little hole. But it will always be blood. You left me alone, without somebody to talk to. To love. The only emotions I have left is hate, lonlyness, disappointment, anger, sadness, confusion, frustration and fear. But the emotion I feel the most is that I miss somebody. But I even don't know if he miss me. Do you know how that feels for me? Not to know if the love of your life is missing you or really hates you?_

_He hasn't contacted me for six months and I have started to doubt on the first one._

_So why live? I'm deeply hurt._

_Remind: Don't write until I know how I will do. I will contact when I know. Right now, I just need to collect my thoughts and to be alone. Until then. Have a good life._

_-Bella_´

I didn't say anything about I had met Alice and Jasper beacuase I didn't want him to be worring for nothing. So I sent the mail and went back to bed and started crying over the biggest loss of my life. My _new_ life, my _new_ family, my love of _forever._

I switched clothes and went down to take a snack. I was _so_ hungry. I made a omlett. I was to tired to do anything. So I kept it simple.

Two eggs and milk, mix it together. Put it in the pan. Wait until it's soild. I wanted ham and cheese today instead of veggies.

When I was done eating I suddenly felt the need to talk somebody and since Jake had promise to stand up for me if I ever needed to talk I called him.

"Jake?" I asked when somebody he picked up the phone.

"Bella!" He yelled. He was obviosluy happy that I took the time to call my favourite werewolf.

"How you doing?" He continued, he couldn't stop the happines.

"Well, that's why I called. I could need somebody to talk to. Something has happend" I replied

"What´ve happend?" He asked without hesatating of what it might be.

"It would be better if we could talk face to face. I need to show you something too"

"Okay. My place or ours?"

"Mine, if that's okay. Charlie isn't home either."

"Okay, I'll be there in ten. See ya soon"

"See ya." And then we both hung up the phone.

I started to dish while he was on his was here. I was just done when he rang on the door.

"Come in!" I yelled as I wiped my hands dry.

Just as I was about to turn to greet him, I was caught up in his arms and he turned me against him himself and hugged me tightly.

"What the fuck has happend Bella? Tell me _everything._"

"Okay, follow me" I said, tryning to break loose. He got it and put me down.

We walked up in to my room and sat on my bed. I curled my legs up to my chest while he sat on the bottom of my bed.

"Okay, let's start from the beginning. Do not interrupt me" I warned him. I didn't wait for a answer, instead I took a deep breath.

"Do you remember when we talked about to contact the Cullens?" I asked

He nodded.

"You said that I could email Alice, since I _had _here email adress"

He continued to nod.

"Well, now somebody has contacted me." I let him catch his breath before I said something else.

"What? Who? When? How? Phone? Email? Visiting?" He was almost more shocked then I was when I saw the mail. Almost.

"Calm down Jake. You're going to have a heartattack if you don't breathe soon."

I answered his questions, question after question the same way he had asked them.

"Yep. Carlisle. Before I past out. Email."

"Wow" He breathed

"Don't tell anybody, but that's the reson I past out."

The size of his eyes seemed to get bigger and bigger each time I told him something. Maybey they were.

"So you got contacted by Carlisle, by email, and you past out?" He asked

"Yep, and then I woke up in the hospital - three weeks later"

Three weeks. I had totally forgot. March 19. I layed down on the side on my bed and started to cry. The tears wouldn't stop. This was the second time in less than a week that Jacob saw me this weak. I was a mess.

Jacob pushed me a little to the side so he could lay down next to me since I had taken up all the space. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him.

"Bella, what is it?" He asked desperate.

I didn't answer. I know I needed to cry a bit.

"Bella, please. I hate to see you cry. Hate to see you suffering. Please tell me what it is so I can take the pain away. He started to rub my arm up and down"

"You can't" I whisperd

There was a paus before he said something. I could feel his heart race faster as the anger in side him got bigger and bigger.

"The Cullens" He finally said with disgust.

"No Jake, you got it wrong" I knew what he thought. He thought I cried 'cuase I missed them to much. But it wasn't that. "You will probably laugh now" In some strange way my voice held it's tone.

"I would never laugh at something that makes you cry, Bella" He whisperd in my ear. I was used to feel a cold, almost ice cold breathe. But his was warm.

"I layed in...Edward...I missed.." I tried to come up with the best idéa to say this "Edward and I met for the first time March 19th." I breathed.

"So?" He didn't understand.

"I layed in shock for three weeks Jacob!" I yelled. I sat up now, looking at him.

"I missed the date Jake, it's April now." I whisperd as I played with my finger in my quilt.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know. Belive me if I could bring March back, I would"

I belived him. He would do that. Becuase he loved me.

"It feels like I'm letting him down. I even don't know if he cares abort me anymore"

"I know he does" Jake said, he sat behind me now and rocked me forward and backwards.

"Let's not talk about that anymore, it's the past. I'll just have to wait until next year" I tried to say with humor, but I failed miserable.

"Ya sure?" He said

"Absolutley" I tried to smile, but he saw right through me.

"Bells-" He began but I interrupt him.

"I'm okay Jake, honestly. I wasn't finsished anyway. There's more"

"Okay, keep talking" He was still sitting behind me.

"After I got home from the hospital I called Renée and Charlie walked in and they started to talk about I needed to see a psychologist, but I of course refused and went to Port Angeles straight away and hanged out there for a while and when I was on my way home I.. I saw.."

"What did you see Bella? Please.." He was desperate now.

"I saw Jasper and Alice" I whisperd looking in to his eyes.

"And you didn't call me? I would have ripped there heads of" He growled

"That wasn't the first thing that plopped up in to my head, and if I knew you would do that I would never have called you anyway. And you shouldn't beacuse they helped me home." I finished

"How?" He still growled

"As fast as they saw me, Jasper got me to sleep and I guess they carried me home. How else would I get home?"

"Your car, you did drive to Port Angeles, right?"

"Oh fuck! It's still there. I don't want to know how much the ticket is on."

"We'll get it home"

"Hope so" I replied

"Hey, you said you had got a email from Carlisle" He continued

"Yeah, wanna see?"

He nodded enthusiastucally.

After I had showed him what Carlisle had said he was stunned. He didn't say anything.

Before I snapt with my fingers infront of his eyes. Then he woke up, but he didn't react to my "wake-up-call".

"HOW THE HELL DOES HE HAVE THE GUTS TO ASK YOU FOR HELP WHEN IT WAS _THEY _WHO LEFT _YOU_? He roared. This wasn't a pretty sight.

"Jake, calm down. I even don't know if I want to help them. I'm thinking the same way as you."

I think it made him feel a little better beacuse the yelling had stopped. It was a good thing Charlie worked on the day, or else he would storm in to my rom with a loaded gun.

"I'm going to kill them when I see them. And if they don't show up, I will" He said. Still angry. But I could swear I saw his eyes burn. Literally. It wouldn't surprise me if they did. 'Cuase when you have been through all the things I have, the word `impossible´ dosen't excist.

We continued to talk until Charlie came home. We both thought it would be better if we continued this conversation another time when we could be alone, so we wouldn't caught ourself while saying something like vampire, werewolf or powers that Charlie might hear.

The only thing that was on my mind for the rest of the week was about if I would help the Cullens, or let them handle it themselves. One part of me wanted to help them, when the other part of me wanted the other thing.

I was being ripped in to two different parts.

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_**Chapter five! What did you thought? I thought it was kind of cheesy, don't ask me why. But please review about what you thought about it. Cheesy/not cheesy. Exciting/boring. Awsome/sucky. REVIEW REVIEW! :)**_

_**I've already started to write on chapter six. Up in a few days!**_

_**XOXO Alexandra**_


	6. Chapter 6: Lost In Myself

**Title:** An Unexpected Surprise**  
Summary: **AU Post-New Moon, Bella never jumped so Alice never had her vision and Edward still thought Bella was alive, so there was no reason for him to die. So they both goes on with their lives until Bella has enough and go visits some of the Cullens friends.**  
Rating:** Teen**  
Warning:** I'm not an American, I'm a 15-year old girl from Sweden but I have a A in English so I think you will understand, but I know I will make a lot of mistakes but don't stop reading beacause of that. This is a work in progress so if you liked this chapter, keep on waiting to the next chapter!  
I don't own any of these characters. Stephenie Meyer owns all of it!

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**READ!: My program is still not working, but I will tell you when it does!**

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**Chapter six: Lost In Myself**

It felt like life was just getting harder and harder each day, maybey it was. Since the day Edward left I'd thought the pain would be the same. How stupid could I be? The pain was just growing bigger and bigger. That was not what I had expected, even if what Jake had said was true -that everybody knew that I had put up a charade this past months- I would keep it up. Like notning has happend, I wanted it to be like it used to. I don't like when stuff changes.

"Had a good time with Jake today?" Charlie asked when we ate. I had made wok with noddles. It wasn't his favourite but he thought it was okay, he didn't complain after all. And by the way, it was good with a change. That's okay. Switching food routins once in a while is just good beacuase when you eat the same food all the time it dosen't taste good, but if you change more often it makes the food taste better. Something I had learn from Grandma Swan when she used to be here in my older childhood. Now she's dead.

"Good, I guess"

"What did you guys do? He seemed a little angry. Were you to having a fight?"

"No, no, no Dad. Promise. We were just discussing things." I defended both of us. He seemed to belive it. I hope he did beacuase I was telling the truth this time.

"Like?" He wouldn't give up. I would bet my own life that Billy and Charlie had made some kind of a deal that they would try to get some info of what Jake and I were talking about. Sure Billy knew about the whole vampire-werewolf thing but Charlie didn't. And that wasn't the only thing we talked about, even if it was the most popular subject when it came to me and Jake. We could talk about sport, even if I isnn't the most athletic person, but Jake sure is.

"That's none of your buissnes" I said, maybey a little to harsh. But he didn't mind.

He knew all to good to not poke in my private life.

"Fine" He grumbled, lost in his thoughts. Probably trying to figure out what Jake and I talked about that was so much of a secret.

After a couple minutes Charlie seemed to be back in reality again.

"So how's school?" He asked curious. Maybey he was tryning to get some info from there too. I had notning to hide in school so why lie?

"It's acutally kind of good nowdays" I said as I stood up to take Charlie's and my dish.

"You're done?" I asked. He nodded while he wipe himself clean around his mouth.

"What do you mean with `actually´ ?". I knew he was going to ask that. I started to fill up the sink while I thought of a good way to tell him.

"You know I had it a bit tough lately. But it's starting to pass now." That last one was totally a lie. It was getting worse and worse everyday. But since Charlie always wanted me to be with Jacob I thought it would be a good idéa to make him think that Jake had a chane on me and to make Charlie happy 'cause I hadn't been the only one who was sad. Jake had said it to. I hadn't been fooling anyone with my charade.

"Oh, good to see that you are making progress then" He said, I could feel his eyes on my back when I made the dishes.

Charlie had already left the table when I was done so I said good night and went to my rom, but I wasn't tired so I took up a book that I was almost done reading; _Wuthering Heights._

I had been so wrong about me not being tired. I almost fell asleep immediatley and the following weeks went slowly as I thought of the idea to help Carlisle or not.

I wanted so badly but didn't know how. How did he thought I could help?

Honestly, I'm a ordinary girl and they are fucking vampires! Seriously, a three year old could figure out that it was insane and crazy, if they knew that vampires exist.

So what if I did help them? What would it give to me? Sure I would get to meet them again (hopefully) and feel loved a little moment, but what happens after that? I know.

They would screw me like they did last time and leave me alone, nobody to talk to, to love, to laugh with, to thank for they lived -or well, at least _half_ lived. But who should I live for? There's no reson to live without love or future. Right?

Sure I had Jake, but it just _didn't feel the same. _As I had said to him a few weeks ago straight to his face, that he was like a half Edward. He filled me with love and happiness. But it wasn't enough. And God, trust me. If I could take it back I would. You have no idea how bad I feel for that. The look on his face..To much..

EPOV

The wind slapped me in the face as I ran from the strangers among the trees -they were probably hikers from what I had seen- but of course I didn't feel the so called pain as it hit me in the face.

The scent of fresh human blood so close. Way to close. I barely made it out from from there without snappning their heads off.

But since I had left Bella I had tortured myself with human blood, not drinking it. Just so I could feel the undescribable scent which caused my throat to burn more than ever. It's imposssible to describe it perfectly, but the closest after `burning´ it's, well it feels like somebody has scratched on your throat from inside for like a million years. and then when the wound is unable the heal somebody drains the wound in acid so it burns the hell out of you. But _that_ isn't enough. You have to multiply the pain probably a thousand time before you can reach my level.

And guess what, so much pain isn't enough to make me forgive for what I have done to my Bella. And I bare it every day. Just for her. To make me feel bad, horrible, awful, like a monster, a demon. Or what I really are. A blood-drinking vampire.

I still feed on animals, but not as often as before, now it's about once a month so the pain when I'm around humans become stronger. I actually try to be around humans so much as I could just to feel it burn on my throat. That's the way I let myself suffer in sorrow. If Carlisle found out about this he would be crazy. He would think that it would be so irresponsible of me to play with human life this way, but I didn't care. I didn't have a reson to live. Or well, I did. But I still couldn't be with her, so it dosen't count anyway. And Esme would probably cry tearless sobs if she found out. She dosen't want me to suffer like this. She cares to much, and loves me. God, I wish they never finds out.

I don't have a resident and I have left my family so I can be alone, so they don't disturb me with there depressing, forgiving thoughts. I wasn't the only one who had lost someone in September 14th last year. We all had. As fast as I was around my family they started pleading me that I would forgive them and so we could move back to her. Espacially Jasper. Of all my family's thoughts, it was his that made me think about it. But I refused and they accepted it. We had made a deal that we would never move back as much as we all wanted. It was for Bellas' safe and health.

There isn't any good for a human girl to be with a vampire boy. Only accidens and love. That was what had brought me to the decison to leave. If I truly loved Bella I couldn't let her be with me. Always in danger, never safe. If I loved her enough I would had the strength to stay away from her, for her to have a normal life with a normal boyfriend (which I hoped she had). And I had that strength, just beacuase I loved her so much. I loved her more then my own life.

I stopped on the top of a mountin to sit on a stone. The stone was hard, cold and empty just as me. My second soulmate maybey? _'Ha-ha'. You got some humor there Edward!_

I closed my eyes to feel the wind as it blew through my hair. _That_ I could feel.

Eventully I opend my eyes, only to find the sun on it's way down. It reminded me of Bella. The half sun that was visible now could be her eyes when she was to tired to have her eyes open . When she jumped between awake and asleep.

The bright yellow color would just be Bella, no reson. It didn't need a reson. She was just so happy when we were together.

The sunbeams could be her hair when the wind blew through it, like mine did right now. But her hair was brown, my hair was red and the sun was yellow.

And then it was the warmth. She was just always warm. Even if it was raining. Her skin would still be warm and soft against mine while mine was hard and cold forever.

Wherever I end up I'll always find something to do that I am reminded of Bella.

If I go to the Sahara desert I will just compare the heat to Antarctic. Her warm skin compared to my cold skin.

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_Five days later:_

These last couple of days had been the same. Boring and sad. I wanted to know more about Bella, how she lived, was she happy? Or had I brought more pain to her, 'cause I had sure as hell brought more pain to me.

I needed advice, and since Emmett would just jock it away and Carlisle probably worked I only had one option.

"_Ey Ed-man, how you doin?_" I heard from the other end of my phone. I sighed in disbelief

"Jazz, don't ever call me that again" I threatened him.

"_Sorry, but seriously, how are you? I haven't talked to you for months! I've missed you man._"

"Perfect! Life is wonderful, birds chippering, the sun is shining and I sparkle! How do you think Jasper?" If he missed my ironi he was more stupid than I thought, but I knew Jazz was way smarter than me. Literally. "Sorry, man. But I'm a total wreck. I torture myself Jasper. I'm sick. I need help"

"_Don't apologize, it was stupid of me to ask that. I shouldn't have asked. Sorry again. But what can help you with? I'm sorry to say this, but I don't think anybody can help you._"

Great, that goes my hope.

"I was hoping you _wouldn't _say that." I took a deep breath even if I didn't need it, but it was hard for me to say this to anybody except for Bella, she was the only one I could open up for. "But I thought you maybey could give me some advice, I just need help Jasper. I'm desperate! I'm losing it. I can't bare the pain anymore. It hurts to much."

"_Aaw man, just you saying this breaks my heart. Sure I will help. Anytime, anywhere. We are brothers, remember? Anything for you bro!_"

"Thanks Jazz, I'm glad to hear that. The first positive thing that has happen to me for a very long time."

Jazz just let out a low sigh and started babbling abort something.

"_Edward, you're still there?_" Jasper called from the other line. "_I really hope so or elsee I've been talking to myself_"

"Yeah, I'm here. Just lost in my thoughts. Sorry. What were you saying?"

"_I just propose that maybey we could talk man to man. It would be easier for you. Is that okay?_"

"Um, yeah. Just promise me one thing?"

"_Absolutley_" He promised

"Do not freak out when you see me. I'm a mess, honestly. My clothes are all ripped apart. I bet I've leaves in my hair, my shoes are gone and I'm depressed, you will see it yourself when you come. When will you come actually?"

"_Man, no good at all?_"

"Nope"

"_You sound terrible, I'll be there as soon as possible. I'll just say bye to Alice. Where are you?_"

"Do you remeber our place in Montana? Twenty years ago?"

"_Of course I do. We had so much fun there. What about it?_"

"Well, I'm there."

"_Oh, okay. Good, I'm not far away. I'm in Canada. See ya in two hours._"

"Perfect, see ya bro."

And now I just had to wait. Our place -or well Jaspers', Emmetts' and mine actually- was a little cave that we had fond in the mountains years ago. No human could get here, it was between two cracks. So nobody knew about it.

I really hoped Jasper would keep his promise, 'cause I don't want him to freak.

I can't wait to see his expression. He won't recognize me.

My mind wander away as usual, one of the many things that Bella and I had in common.

I started to think of the first day we met.

I had thought that this was about to be pretty much as the day before. A boring High School day. I had been so much wrong.

As soon as she had entered the room something drag me to her. First I thought it was my "vampire-sense" that wanted to drink her sweet blood. And when she passed the fan, her scent just slapped me right in the face. I had never felt this for anybody before. Espacially not a human.

She was seated next to me -the only spot left- and under that whole hour I thought of ways to kill her. If I knew that we would fall in love, I would have killed myself just beacuse I wanted to kill her.

I thought I could snap all of my classmates heads of including Mr. Banner and then kill her in silence. Nobody would know, but I would need to get the hell out of there after that. But now when I think of it it may seem a little suspiciously. The principal and the secretary both have a class schedule of which students is in which class, and if all my classmates were dead and I would be the only one survived? Maybey it would be a little to suspicious.

But I'd made my way through the whole hour and then I had run away to our friends in Alaska, the Denalis. I had talked to Tanya and she had thought I should go back, she also thought something good could happen between me and this human girl. We both knew that I didn't belive it, but we didn't say anything about it.

The following week I had went back to Forks. I could sense her scent in the corridor so I knew she was here, I would never make through another hour with her if I didn't take some deep breathes. I knew they wouldn't help, but humans did this when they were nervous and I guess it had followed me to my vampire life. It was regular to me.

As I already knew she was sitting at our desk and drawing. I drag out my chair without her to look up. I must have scared her last week, I hadn't been very polite, I had leaned away from her as much as possible. As if she smelled disgusting, when she smelled wonderful in reality.

For the first time I noticed that I couldn't read her thoughts. What the fuck?

If I couldn't get some info about her myself, she would need to talk.

I introduced me and she too but as Bella. We talked about the weather and about her family, but notning about her. Except for that she did not like anything cold or wet.

The weeks went on and Bella and I grew a lot bigger bond. Since the day I got back from Alaska I had been watching her sleep. The whole night.

And one evening in May, I snuck in to her rom while she was talking to her Mom, she now knew that I was a vampire and strangely enough, so she did not care. She liked it.

We had leaned towards each other very slowly and then my lips gently touched hers for the first time, and then again. Soon her hands were tangled in my hair and I gripped her hips to drag her closer to me. I guess you could say our kissing were a lot more violent now, I traced my tounge under her bottiom lip and waited for her to let me inside her. She let me in and my tounge was inside her, our tounges played but at any second now I would force myself to stop before I would lose control completly. That night was the best night in my life. She was now mine.

"Why the hell Montana of all places?" Jaspers' voice echoed in the tiny cave I sat in.

Of course I was dragged out of my daydreaming and got back to reality.

"It's nice to see you to bro" He just smiled. "Well I needed to be alone for a while to think. Well, I've been here a few days." I hoped he thought I was been serious now, when he knew how long I've been here.

"Okay, but what the fuck Edward?"

"What?" I asked confused. He gave me a hint, he scanned my body from head to toe.

"Ey, promise breaker. You wouldn't freak out about how I looked! I told you I was a mess!"

"I'm not freaking out, I'm eyeing you." He smiled at how he managed to reverse the words so it sounded like he hadn't broken the promise.

"Yeah. yeah" I answered. I didn't care about that anymore.

"You look like hell!"

"Told ya so" I mutterd, I had warned him. When would he shut the fuck up? This wasn't his usual behavior. Sure he was lovning, caring, teasing, and irritating sometimes (the two last ones was mostly Emmetts' niche). But wasn't this a little over the top?

"I know that, but please Edward. Get a grip of yourself! This isn't healthy for anyone, and not for a vampire either."

Even if I didn't need to do this I did it anyway, it just felt like I needed to do that. I inhalad and exhaled deeply before I replied. If I wouldn't do this I probably would be launching myself at him. I closed my eyes, I didn't know if I could open my eyes to look at him. I didn't know what I would do.

"Jazz, please. Just let me talk. Would'ya?" My eyes still closed.

"Oh, sorry. Sure Ed. Keep talking. I shouldn't start talking about that if it wasn't for your own health. We all mi-". Before he could say anything else it was my turn to eye him, and finally he was getting the picture and he stayed quiet.

"If you are done talking now, could I have a minute to talk?".

He nodded.

"So, I called you beacuse I wanted to talk about Bella".

"Yeah, that was what I thought." He sat down now on the other side of the cave.I laughed a little. I was so easy to look through.

"Every day since we left, I've felt empty. Like there's on reson to live, but I can't give up the little life I have left. Not when she's still alive. But I don't _want_ to live without her. Do you see my problem?". I took a minute or two for him to anser, but it felt like a year.

"Um, half of it" I gave him a confused look, which he understand and explained to me.

" But I don't understand why you just visit her?" He finished

"Jasper, if I visit her I will never be able to leave her again and I can't be with her. It's to dangerous, she could get killed. And I won't let that happend."

"Beacuse of me" He whispered looking down on the dirty grund we sat on.

"What?" I asked shocked. I did see his point but I was in shock, why would he bring it up?

"I almost killed the love of your life and it's my fault that you can't be with her." He was still whispering. He didn't dare to look at me, he thought I was going to rip his throat out or something like that.

"It's not your fault. Listen to me now. There's nothing good about you almost killed Bella. It only made me realize that there is no way for Bella and me to be together unless she's immortal."

"Then why don't you just make her a vampire?" Why wouldn't he get it? Oh that's right. I'm the freak who is able to read everybody's thoughts. Almost everybody.

I sighed. "Beacuse I don't want to end her life. I don't want to be a selfish monster who ended a innocent girls' life for my own good. I just won't. "

"Then just let somebody else do it. Carlisle would surely agree with that".

"I can't let that happen either. I would always have that in the back of my mind. I was the one who knew that Bella was been transformed to a vampire. And I didn't stop it, beacause I wanted her to be one. But still not."

He finally got it. But when he answered it sounded something like an idiot would say.

"Dude, you got a big problem." His eyes were almost attached on me and bigger than God knows what.

"Tell me about it" I mutter. To lost in my thoughts to focus on the rest of our conversation. Jasper stayed with me a couple of days before he went back to Canada where Alice waited for him. At least he had somebody waiting for him.

BPOV

"Isabella?" woke me up from my daydreaming. "I'm sorry sir, what were you saying?" I excused myself. I could feel the heat under my cheeks as they got warmer and redder.

"Class is out. You can go home now." I quickly looked around, only to find me and Mr. Banner alone. He had already packed his stuff in his briefcase and was about to lock the door to go home.

"Oh, sorry. I was lost in my thoughts." I gather all my stuff in a pile and was almost out of the door when he stopped me.

"Isabella, is it anything wrong? You have been pretty distracted These last weeks. Is this about Edward? You know you could always talk to the school counselor". Everybody in Forks knew when Edward and I were offically boyfriend and girlfriend and when we had offically broken up. You couldn't escape news like that in a small town like this. It's impossible.

"No, no. Of course not. I've just have a lot on my mind. School's almost done for the year so I'm thinking about my grades and stuff. I haven't been sleeping so good either. That's all. No need to bring in the school counselor" I assured him. My lie was too good to be true. I belived it myself. Of course I was thinking about Edward, and Carlisle. His email.

"Okay, but if you ever want to talk about anything you can just go to Charlotte."

I didn't have to ask, my face already look like a question mark.

"The school counselor?"

"Oh right" I half smiled, and so did he.

The drive went slow as usaul. The rain rushed down the road, as it had a deadline to meet.

When I finally made it to the driveway I took a deep breath before I put my cap on and ran as if it were between life and death.

I almost shaked myself dry like a dog does. But only my jacket almost got dry. Everything else was soaken wet.

I freshed myself up and went to my bed. I needed to think. The only thing that was on my mind. Edward. Carlisle had said that he was desperate for my help, but I didn't see how it was possible for me to help. Why hadn't I taken the time to write back to Carlisle? Beacause I didn't know what I would say. Afraid of how he would react. But now I did.

* * *

**I'm so sorry for the slow update! But I haven't been home for like four days and when I did come home I had to clean all my clothes and pack again for my other summerplace. And we had a "kid-weekend" so every kid in my family (we're three) had one friend or two with us so we did all these games and went swimming in the lake and stuff like that. I came home yesterday so I wrote it done so I hope you like it!**

**The next chapter should be up in a few days or a week, I don't know. But don't stop reading! Bella is finally going to write back to Carlisle in the next chatper! ;) **

**Btw, do you like when I'm writing for someone elses perspectiv? Or should I hold on to Bellas'?**

**XOXO Alexandra**


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